IVF, here we come!

It’s been quite some time since I’ve written. I’ve been in hiding. Emotionally and physically and every other way possible. Mostly for my own self preservation. I’ve wanted to write, I promise. But I have been so focused on so many other things that the moment I would sit down to reflect on things, I just didn’t want to. Not because I’m depressed and losing my will to live, although I have had one or two days that maybe felt a little like that. Mostly because I have been spending so much time thinking about everything I want to write that writing it out just seemed redundant. No one reads this shit anyway… 99% of the time this blog is for me. So if I already spend every waking moment thinking about what I want to write about that means that even my relax time is spent thinking about it. Does that make sense?

I think it also comes down to trying to keep my spirits high. When I start to write I become very honest, and that honesty comes out really negative. I find myself writing words that I spend a lot of time trying to “delete” from my thought process. 
So, our first, second and third IUI did not work. Which, honestly, was a surprise to both of us. I think we both just assumed that it would work at some point. So now that we have passed the easy level of fertility treatments, we have graduated into the big show. IVF with ICSI… aka the final frontier. We have our first appointment to discuss how to proceed on the 12th, our egg retrieval will be scheduled for the 26th. We will most likely be doing out first frozen embryo transfer in late May early June, I don’t think we’ll be doing a fresh embryo transfer because we want to do genetic testing. 
All of that would have sounded like gibberish a few months ago, but since I found out this last IUI didn’t work I have been doing my research. If being a doula has taught me anything, its be educated, be prepared. The Universe apparently has a plan for us and I want to be ready for it in every way possible.
The one thing that has kept me sane these past few months has been… shopping. So. Much. Shopping. Retail therapy is a REAL thing, people!
Here are a few pictures of the kinds of things I’ve been investing my time in….

I’m totally obsessed with nightstands as of late!! Fresh flowers galore at this house!

His side of the bed.

Kitchen decked out with cupcakes and cake for my lovely Liz’s arrival.

Guest bedroom desk 

Guest bedroom dresser.

Mantle. With old cards and my twilight collection. 🙂

Guest bedroom.

Loving the garage, green grass and hand me down cars! Oh yeah, and my babe.

Mantle in the front living room.

First installment of spring flowers.

Bedside, durring our third IUI… I’ve become very familiar with medications! 

My bathroom

Guest bathroom

Master bathroom

I can never get our picture wall to stay uncrooked!!

My pride and joy, the entry way living room!

Entry way, I caved and put up Louie’s deer!

I’m becoming obsessed with trays!
So, thats it. Thats my life. Doctors appointments and shopping and trying to stay sane. I’ve been going to hypnofertility, a form of hypnotherapy, and I absolutely love it. It’s really the one thing keeping me sane and positive in all of this. I am really ready for IVF, honestly, I am. I feel excited and prepared to take on the next chapter with everything I have. I can’t promise that I’ll update regularly, but I’ll do the best I can.

  One thought on “IVF, here we come!

  1. April 9, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    Dear friend, I am so inspired by you and how strong you have been through this whole process. So many others would run for the hills once they heard IVF. But you are running right towards it all, head first and eyes wide open! You, my friend, are a fighter. You are fighting for your baby, you are fighting for that family, and you will continue to fight hard. "Infertility, it's not more Mrs. Nice Holly!" ❤ ❤ ❤ XOXO

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