In short, this is what I’d like to call “What I learned in my 7 years as an undergrad”:

Never underestimate the power of putting pen to paper.

Never underestimate the power of classical music while writing.

Never underestimate the stupidity of those around you.

Never overestimate the brilliance of your professors, they are not God, they are human. They make mistakes. But, they also know a lot more about whatever you are learning about and probably more about life, too.

Always bring an extra pair of shoes… and underwear.

If someone says “How’d you do on whatever” they’re just trying to figure out if they should boast or lie about their grade.

If you come across someone who doesn’t know how to use “two, too, to” or “there, their, they’re” or “your & you’re”, smile because you are smart, correct them if you’re not in public or you want to have sex with them and know that they probably have something else that they’re good at.

“study groups” generally mean “let’s fuck off and procrastinate together” or “let’s see who can tell the weirdest/sluttiest/drunkest/whateverest story” or “lets figure out who the smart person is and copy down whatever they say” (if people are copying you, find a different study group, they probably can’t help you).

ALWAYS PUT DOWN TWO TOILET SEAT COVERS. This is just a weird thing of mine, because I’m pretty sure every toilet is going to give me chlamydia.

If you ever start to feel a little lost, go into the library stacks and wander around. Find something with an interesting title, and know that they’re probably dead or old and as you read, you are literally bringing to life something that they were passionate about.

If a teacher hounds you about commas, they’re probably just pissed they couldn’t fault you on content.

If a teacher hounds you on anything, all you have to do is meet with them once or twice and they will probably give you a better grade.

Never be afraid to fight for the grade you deserve. Ask for evidence, explanation, anything! Don’t let your confidence be torn down by hurried graders.

If you have to speak in front of a class, know that no one is listening or that they are thinking about themselves. Unless you shit your pants, then everyone is listening and thinking about you.

Never go into an exam expecting a “C” you will get a “D”. Go into it expecting a “B” and you’ll get an “A”. Unless you haven’t gone to class or done the reading, then you’re fucked either way.

Enjoy it. Breathe it in. Wherever you are, whatever you’re reading, it is exactly what and where you are supposed to be. Unless you’re reading Gothic Literature, then you are in Hell.

– That’s all. I’m sure there is more. But right now, I’ve got to go take my last exam.

This is how my morning started::

Louie, babe, I am going to school.

Not dressed like that, right? Your hair is so gross.

JUST like this. I don’t give a shit!

(staring at me blankly)

I don’t give a shit! I’m a badass! Greasy hair, scrunchy, pajammas! It’s GO TIME MOTHA FUCKA!!!

(staring at me blankly)

Don’t fucking look at me like that!! I’m done bitch, DONE!!!

(walks away)

Maybe I should shower….. Nope, not gonna happen.

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