I hate parties…

So, let’s be honest here. I hate parties. To be a little more specific, I hate people. Ok that sounds awful. But seriously. I do. I am SO awkward. I say some really stupid things and I always end up embarrassing myself in front of people.

But, for some reason, I keep putting myself in places where people are. I am such a stressball that I end up feeling like some kind of sweaty freak who tends to use expletives when I’m nervous. Which is basically all the time.

First my family threw a Halloween party. Overall it was fun. But there were SO many people. I found myself hiding in my parents closet with Cookie (the worst dog ever) a few times. Luckily I’ve passed that whole “just drink the nervousness away” thing, and I dealt with it. I had a blast with everyone, and went to bed early. I was awoken at 2 am with Hillary’s boyfriend drunkenly trying to get into bed with Louie and I. Which then led to Louie waking up. Which then led to me cleaning throw up out of the bathroom sink. Fortunately my mom had Drano handy and I managed to get the sink to drain again. Basically my husband owes me FOREVER. We also had to clean barf off the cement outside by the BBQ, because one of our friends decided that it was the perfect spot to puke. Happy Halloween. Not only did I torture myself by wearing a corset, but I was tortured by Prince Charming and Coach Hairy Balls with barf. I guess I’m just lucky that nothing grosses me out anymore. Working with autistic kids and being a doula has allowed me to look past ANY bodily fluid with a cheery disposition. Here are some pics of us having fun at the party.

Then after a hellish week at school (which most definitely includes prepping for a Shakespeare performance), I threw Jeanette a baby shower. It was amazing, of course. But man, I was stressing! I ended up spending so much time prepping I forgot to get ready myself. So although the shower was beautiful, I was not. I felt like a wet rat. But I, unlike the Halloween party, actually had a blast. We talked and laughed and ate and made cute little outfits for her baby. It was spectacular. I focused on making my best friend feel special, and in turn it helped me forget that I won’t be having a baby shower this year.

So that leads us to here. Now. Currently I’m sitting on my couch. I have a huge essay due at 4pm and I haven’t even started to think about what I’m going to write. I woke up at 330am when Louie gets ready for work and decided to watch all of Thursday night’s TV (because we go to bed at 7pm now). Last nights Grey’s made me cry my fucking eyes out, but then I got to laugh at Parks and Rec and The Office. So I feel pretty balanced emotionally. Plus Louie surprised me with a donut this morning. Bingo!

This coming week is literally going to kill me. I have this essay, a Shakespeare performance, a week full of classes and then finally…. Breaking Dawn part 2 and Vegas.

The Twilight movies always come out on my birthday, which make my birthday’s AMAZING because I will always love those movies. On Thursday the 15th Megan and I will be spending the entire day at the theater watching all of the movies all day until midnight when we get to see the final one. I plan on crying until my eyes fall out. Then Louie and I are off to Vegas to gamble (BY THE WAY I TOTALLY LOVE BLACKJACK- don’t judge me), smoke until my lungs fall out and go see Daniel Tosh perform. Ultimately, what I’m trying to tell you is that I love my life. I’ve been trying to live in the moment, enjoy being childless and carefree, stop worrying and start living. It’s worked.

 Am I still bummed that we don’t have kids sometimes? Of course. But… there’s nothing more we can do right now, so we just have to say “Oh well” and be happy with the good things we have. Like- my dad is still alive. My husband loves me. My sister is home from college. My dog is my soul mate. My mom is awesome. I AM ONE MONTH AWAY FROM HAVING MY BACHELORS DEGREE! So suck it, PCOS, you are NOT going to fuck up my life right now. But you know what will fuck it up? Not writing this essay right now. I have 6 hours to write this bitch. Wish me luck!

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