Holy shit. I’m sorry. For anyone who reads this damn thing, I apologize from the depths of my heart. My little hiatus went on far too long and I’ve been in hiding a little too long even for my own liking. It’s been a weird couple of weeks. If that’s an excuse at all.
We started off the hiatus with a trip to Lone Pine with Louie’s family. It was wonderful, as usual. We played in the creek and ate lot’s of steak and laid under pine trees. We played with babies and the babies played with fish and we had a great time.
We may have somehow wandered into where “The Hills Have Eyes” was shot. I can’t be sure because I was kind of loopy. When I realized where we might be I REALLY wanted to stop and go knock on some doors. Just to see if people really do live in this creepy town, and if any of them were going wear my face. Louie promised me that people actually live in those shacks and I would probably be dead before he could get to me, but I still don’t think they do. So I didn’t get out, mostly because I think I saw a two headed dog, and I’m only so brave.
For someone with generalized anxiety disorder, I sure have a weird obsession with being purposefully frightened. I enjoy scaring people and being scared. Maybe it’s some subconscious need to overload my sensory receptors. That’s probably where the ADHD kicks in.
So then we came home and played in the pool. I got my first real “tan” this summer (read: lots of freckles). Which is good because everything fat looks better tan, and also bad because the last thing I need is another scar from where they had to dig out some a-typical cells in my chest. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Scars are super hot, but only when you’re Freddy Prince Jr. or Padma Lakshmi. We also had tons of BBQ’s. Which translates to Louie’s family feeding me and then me floating around the pool bloated and passed out for a few hours.
THEN, the best highlight of my summer. We went to a Childish Gambino concert. Most people who know me only know CG because I talk about him more than I talk about my uterus. Needless to say, is a lot. I bribed Allison to go up to LA with me, and she agreed. She’s such a sport- I wouldn’t want to party with anyone else! There and back we hit traffic. Not the normal kind of traffic, but like.. add two hours to the two hour drive.. kind of traffic. Suuuper lame. She’s such a trooper for sticking that out with me. I certainly wouldn’t have made it without her. Long story short, we danced and drank and sang and jumped up and down and met famous people. It was AMAZING. The show knocked me off my feet. We splurged for VIP seats and ended up with perfect seats. Two of the funniest ladies in Hollywood (Chelsea Peretti and Natasha Leggero) were right behind us, dancing the night away. Finally at the end of the evening I got up the balls to ask them for a pic, and they were totally sweet. We also ran into Juliette Lewis who was hilarious and I was absolutely starstruck!
Side note… I will say that Danny Pudi (he plays Abed on Community) was a total ASSHOLE. I won’t go into details but uhhh, he can suck it. And by “it” I mean my imaginary dick.
Then there was more swimming…
and Shelby loves…
we celebrated our 8 year anniversary…
and then I went back to school.
I thought I’d have more time to blog… I was wrong. I hardly have time to sleep!
Now… We’re headed off to Virginia. Why, you ask? Well that would be because I am the luckiest girl in the world. My grandfather (my mom’s dad) died before I really knew him. He spent his life working tirelessly on Literature and scholarly research. Mainly focused on Faulkner and Hemingway. All of his research was donated to UVA when he died. I’m going out there to finally see it. To hold it in my hands, to feel what he felt. I am beyond excited. We leave on the 9th of September and get back on the 15th. Our flights are both 11hrs, but it will all be worth it.
When I started this adventure into the uncharted land (for me) of Literature, I really didn’t have any direction. Then I found Faulkner and my grandfather. Somewhere tucked away behind boxes of letters and journals and ideas and tedious organization of the most minute facts and thoughts, lies the answer I had been waiting for. This answer really just led me to a million more questions with a thousand answers each, but it was something.
After years of wondering why I was good at writing essays and doing research, it all started to make sense. I couldn’t tell you what makes sense about it, but it feels right. Maybe because I feel like I’m getting to know a man I thought I would never know. Maybe it’s because I feel good, like- really good- about myself. I cant put my finger on it. But I can feel him with me sometimes… late at night.. in the library.. 100 pages deep into a book I’ve read three times.. and it finally makes sense. I know he’s there.
My baby would have been due on his birthday, and I think that he or she is up there with him and my grandma, I know that my baby is in good hands. Smart, kind, intelligent… leading the baby I never got to hold by the hand, watching over me.
|My Grandfather, doing what he did best.|
|My Grandmother, doing what she did best.|
|On their wedding day. So. Much. Love.|