Wishing…

I’ve been living in the clouds lately. Where things are pretty and sparkly and platform sandals are still in style and no one wears deodorant or brushes their hair. It looks a little something like this at my house right now.
I’m seriously beginning to enjoy my summer to the fullest extent. 
My dishes are always clean, my laundry is always folded and I make my husband breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day! 
Three day’s of Bento Box lunches for Louie!

I’ll tell you right now, I’ve got one happy husband! We laugh more, we joke more, we communicate better… It’s like we’re 16 again. Braces and acne and madly in love.
Now…
And Then…
  I’m halfway through The Unvanquished and I’m more in love with literature than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel so connected to my grandpa and myself. I wish he was alive, I wish I could call him and ask him what Bayard meant, or how cool Yoknapatawpha County is. 
I’ll admit it’s hard to read when I’ve got such a sexy distraction!
After breakfast is made and the house is clean, Shelby and I hop into the car and head to my mom’s house. We spend our day taking long baths, reading and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.

For a while there my dad thought the drag queen’s were actually women. Easy mistake, I mean.. where *do* they hide their wieners?!? I’m too afraid to google it, the mystery is probably what makes it so amazing. These girls know how to do it! However lazy I am is magnified times a thousand when I see how they transform into gorgeous women, putting me to shame. It doesn’t help that I haven’t worn deodorant or brushed my hair for a week. I also need to make a waxing appointment for my crazy mustache!
I’d be 12 weeks pregnant today. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about being pregnant. Everything in my life revolves around wanting to be a mother and trying to get pregnant, but I’m finding ways to keep myself from falling into a place where I lose myself and damage my marriage because it controls us. There is a fine line that I’m learning to walk. I’m healing and growing and changing and, yes, its hard to be there for others when I am in a selfish place, but I’m doing it. I’m focusing on being kind to myself and kind to others, while still allowing myself to be sad sometimes, it’s all a part of the process.
I’m going to spend the rest of my summer trying to get pregnant and enjoying the beauty that surrounds me. Basically I’ll be having sexual intercourse with my stand up guy (no joke, I had written something much dirtier but my mom asked me to change it to this), laying in my back yard with Shelby, shopping online for things I don’t need, watching movies from the 90’s and googling more pictures of Mark Wahlberg. 

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